NO PLAYS EXCHANGED 




z9 nliiLnLliLlilliLniji^ 

r7413 
:opy 1 

-Detsey s 

Boarders 

By 

O. E. Young 



Price 25. Cents 

The Willis N. Bugbee Co. 

SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



THE BUGBEE ENTERTAINMENTS 

ARE FAVORITES EVERYWHERE 



Polly at Sunshine Cottage. Comedy in 3 acts by Willis 
N. Bugbee. A very tnie-to-llfe village play. All parts good. 
7m., 7f. Time, 1% hours. 35 cents. 

Elder Jenkins' Reception. Negro farce in 1 act. Suit- 
able for any school, society or church. Nothing vulgar. 7m., 
8f. Time, 1 hour or longer. 25 cents. 

Field Day at Higginsville. A play in 2 acts for eighth 
grade people. Lively and full of fun. 8m., 7f. (and supers). 
Time, 1 hour or longer. 25 cents. 

Last Day at Center Ridge School. Novelty play in 2 
acts by Annette L. Smith. One of the best old district school 
plays. 8m., 9f. Time, 1% hours or longer. 35 cents. 

Adoption of Bob, The. A play in 1 act for eighth grade 
pupils by Marie Irish. Katie, Ghloe and Wang make lots of 
fun. 4m., 6f. Time, 30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Community Stunts and Novelty Features. A dandy new 
book for community entertainments. Directions for fair, old 
settlers' convention, etc., etc. 35 cents. 

Peggy of Primrose Farm. Comedy in 3 acts by Willis N. 
Bugbee. A delightful rural play that fits any occasion. 6m., 
6f. Time 1% hours. 35 cents. 

Arrival of Reuben, The. College comedy in 1 act by 
Willis N. Bugbee. The theft of a suit of clothes causes a 
great commotion. 5m., 5f. Time 1 hour. 35 cents. 

Priscilia's Room. Farce in 1 act by Louise L. Wilson. 
Prisci^la gains possession of the room by a clever ruse. Full 
of action. 4m., 2f. Time, 30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Tom Thumb Circus. A dandy little entertainment for the 
very little people. Introduces the principal features of a 
circus. Any number of characters. 25 cents. 

The Deacon's Honeymoon. Comedy in 3 acts by Willis N. 
Bugbee. Full of fun and a bit of mystery. Not sentimental. 
6m., 5f. Time, 1% hours. 35 cents. 

Daddy and the Co- Eds. College comedy in 2 acts by 
Willis N. Bugbee. "Daddy" visits college and has a good 
time. 6m., 6f. Time, 1^. hours. 35 cents. 

Some Class. Commencement play in 4 acts by Edith F. 
A. U. Painton, 6m., 9f. Claimed to be the best commencement 
play on -the market. Full of good healthy humor. Time 1 
hour 40 minutes. 35 cents. 

Aunt Sophronia at College. College comedy in 3 acts by 
Willis N. Bugbee. One of the best short plays we have ever 
offered. Full of fun from start to finish. 5m., 7f. Time, 1% 
hours. 35 cents. 

THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO., SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



Bugbee^s Popular Plays 

BETSEY'S 

BOARDERS 

A Farce in One Act 

By 
O. E. Young 

Author of '* Unacquainted With Worlf and Fort^ Other Plays 



Copyright, 1922, by Willia N. Bugbee 



THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO. 

SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



BETSEY'S BOARDERS 



CHARACTERS \' (\^ 



Betsey Boggs oj Boggs' Boarding House for Singh People 

Eben Eastman ^ 

Martha Muggins [ Boarders 

Arthur Brown J 

Mary Brown Arthur's Bride 

May be played all male, if desired. 

Scene : Third floor corridor in Boggs' hoarding house. 

Time: The present, 12 o'clock at night. 

Time of Playing : Thirty-five minutes. 



COSTUMES 



Betsey: Age 50, big, raw-boned and resolute, gray hair plainly 
parted in middle, plain dark house dress. Later, nightgown and cap. 

Eben : Age 30, tall and spare, sunburned, with long, stringy, tow- 
colored hair and drooping moustache, nearly white ; wears ordinary 
gray suit, much too small for him, cheap striped shirt, blue tie and 
black slouch hat. Later, nightshirt and night cap. 

MarthC: Age 40 and uncalled for, short and fat; wears girlish 
street costume, very youthful, with bright colors, ribbons and much 
jewelry; has on glasses and wears huge shoes. Nightgown and night 
cap later. Should be played by a man. 

Arthur: Age 25, medium size, smooth-faced and good looking 
and has well groomed appearance; has on black evening suit and 
dark felt hat. 

Mary: Age 20, small, pretty and petite; neat and becoming 
street costume. 



Scene: Third floor corridor of Mrs. Boggs' Boarding House for 
Single People; doors to three rooms, Nos. 31, 32 and 33, in flat, with 
transoms over each; stairway R. leading to attic, with half length 
door to closet beneath; door to staircase from below, L., with a pile 
of trunks in comer in rear. ^ , .,, ,, 

Wau 62807 

■ NOV I3i92v. ^ , 



BETSEY'S BOARDERS 

Enter Martha Muggins, L.. in street costume, on tiptoe, wring- 
ing hands.) 

Martha (in low voice). Oh, if Mrs. Boggs ketches me comin' 
in at twelve o'clock at night! She'd turn me out on the instant and 
nobody else in the village would take me in for love or money, even 
in the daytime. (Stops at No. 33.) There! I'm safe now; here's 
my room. (Feels in pocket.) Where's my key? (Excitedly.) I 
never can have lost it! (Turning pocket inside out and letting a 
letter fall unnoticed; wildly.) I sartin have. Oh heavens! I shall 
git kctcht 'n fired 'n my reppatation will be spilet forever. (Wring- 
ing hands.) 

(Enter Eben Eastman, L.) 

Eben (tiptoeing on, in low voice.) Thank heaven Marm Boggs 
didn't ketch me comin' in at this ongodly hour! She'd a bounced 
me on the spot 'n where could I hev gone? (Stops at No. 31 and 
takes key from pocket.) 

Martha (faintly). M-M-Mr. Eastman. 

Eben (starting guiltily and looking round). Oh, it's you is it, 
Miss Muggins? 

Martha (rushing to him) . Oh, Mr. Eastman I Eben 1 I'm on- 
done. 

Eben (wonderingly) . Be ye? I hadn't noticed. (Looks her 
over.) 

Martha (wringing hands). Oh, what shall I dew! What shall 
I dew! 

Eben. Pears like ye better go inter yer room 'n dew yerself up 
agin. 

Martha (despairingly). If I only could! 

Eben. Wall, I can't, that's sure. I'm 'fraid Marm Boggs 'd ketch 
me at it. (Starts to put key in lock.) 

Martha (Mngs herself upon his breast and throws arms around 
his neck.) Stop! You shall not go! Wait! 'n' be my blessed aid. 

Eben (staggering hack aghast). Yer-yer what? 

Martha. My blessed aid. 

Eben (drawing long breath). Oh! I thought ye said yer lady's 
maid. 

Martha. No! no! (Impatiently.) Come! come quick! (Triei 
to drag him R.) 

Eben (amazed). Come! come where? 

Martha. Ter my room. 

Eben. 'Scuse me; I can't. I got a reppytation ter sustain (tries 
to push her off) 'n' I daresn't sustain you no longer. Marm Boggs 
might — 

Martha (clinging to him). Ye kin; ye must. I jes' got ter hev 
my door onlocked. Come on. (Pulls him R.) 

Eben (resisting). I-I daresn't — not now. Remember Marm 
Boggs. 'Sides I hain't got no akillyton key. 

Martha. Take that one; mebbe it'll fit my lock. Try it, quick! 
(Drags him R.) 



4 BETSEY'S BOARDERS 

Eben (struggling). Here! Hold ont I mean leggol Ye'll be 
ondewin' me next. What if Mann Boggs should come? 

Martha (distractedly). She won't, she mustn't. Try yer key, 
quick — afore she does. 

Eben (grumblingly) . "Wall, if nothin' else won't satisfy ye — but 
it won't fit. (Tries key in No. 33.) 

Martha (eagerly). Does it? Does it? 

Eben (disgustedly). Naw; in course it don't. (Turning key.) 
Jehosaphat! It does, tew. (Unlocks door.) 

Betsey (outside). What's goin' on up there? 

Martha (a/^armed). There's Mrs. Boggs! Quick 1 Git inter yer 
room or you're the one that's ondone now. (Gives him violent push 
and sends him staggering across stage L,, rushes into No. 33 and 
slams door behind her.) 

Eben. Gosh! Ef my feet hadn't been oncommon long they'd 
never kept up with my head. (Rushes to door of No. 31.) 

Betsey (outside). Who's prowlin' 'round up there this time o' 
night? 

Eben (alarmed). Ef I hain't abed in half a jiffy my character 
won't be wuth a chaw o' terbarker — 'n' I'll git turned out o' doors 
ter boot. (Tries to unlock No. 31 and drops key in his haste.) 
(Enter Betsey Boggs L.) 

Betsey. I suttinly beared suthin' bangin'. (Comes on.) 

Eben (aside). Ef she mistrusts I've jes' come in I am done for. 
(Snatches ojf hat and hastily hides it under his coat.) 

Betsey (catching sight of Eben). Hullo, Mr. Eastman; what 
ye doin', up this time o' night? I don't 'low my boarders ninnin' 
'round nights. 

Eben (hastily). I hain't been runnin' 'round nights. 

Betsey. Don't ye lie ter me; I know better. Come, own up, 
now. Where ye been? 

Eben. Nowhere. I-I was jest a-goin'. 

Betsey. Wuss yit I I don't 'low my young men out gaddin' at 
this time o' night. It's fiyin' right straight inter the face 'n' eyes o' 
providence 'n' the arms o' the street beauties. 

Eben. I wa'n't goin' ter facin' 'n' eyin' no providence nor armin' 
no street beauties. I never'd darester. 

Betsey. Then what ye out o' yer room for? 

Eben. Why, I come out — I come out— (stops hewUdered). 

Betsey (dryly) . Yis ; I see ye did. What for? 

Eben. Ter — Ter — (with sudden inspiration) ter see a noise I 
jest beared. 

Betsey. So you beared it tew? What did it sound like? 

Eben (peeping at No. S3). Like — like (peeps again). Like 
somebody faUin' out o' bed. (Peeps.) 

Betsey. Land sakea! Who was it? (Eyes foUowing his glance.) 
Miss Muggins? 

Eben (hastily). Heavens! no. Twa'n't in No. 33. 

Betsey. Where was it then? 

Eben. In— in Coachin' Chiny. 

Betsey. Oh shucks! Ye couldn't 'a' beared the circus fat woman 
fallin' out o' bed 'way out there — 'thout yer ears are longer'n yer 
nose, 'n' that's onpossible. 



b^^ 



BETSEY'S BOARDERS 5 

Eben (obstinately). Wall, 'twa'n't on this floor, nohow. Must 
'a' been 'way off som'ers. 

Betsey (dissatisfied, shaking head). It didn't sound that way 
but mebbe ye're right. (Glancing round.) I can't see nothin' wrong 
nor nobody 'tain't here. Go in 'n' go ter bed, Mr. Eastman; I'll 
wait till I see yer light go out. 

Eben (aside). Oh Lordl What shall I dew? Ef she sees me 
pick up that key she'll find out I'm locked out 'n' '11 know I been 
Ivin'. (Puts foot on key. To Mrs. Boggs.) What! 'n' let you go 
down them long, steep stairs erlone? I guess not muchl (Reso- 
lutely, jolding arms, back to door.) No, airl here I stan* 'n' here 
I'm goin' ter stan' till I see ye safe down 'em. 

Betsey (pleased). Wall, ye're a gentleman, Mr. Eastman, that's 
sartin. Betsey Boggs is not so ongrtefaul as ter refuse that leetle 
attention, so I'll get ter goin'. Goodnight. (Exit L.) 

Eben. Goodnight, Mrs. Boggs. (Watches her disappear.) There! 
She's gone; I'm safe. (Picks up key and unlocks No. 31.) Now I'll 
git ter bed, 'fore she's back again. (Goes in and shuts door.) 

Martha (Opening door of No. S3 and peeping out cautiously, 
in nightgown and nightcap, excitedly.) I must find that loveletter I 
lost or I shall be the laughin' stock o' the hull boardin' house. It 
can't be fur off. (Catches sight of it.) There it is; I see it. (Looks 
cautiously around, then darts out and picks up letter; door slams 
behind her as she does so.) Goodness! The wind has shet the door. 
What ef that snap lock has ketched. (Darts back and tries door.) 
It has! I'm locked out agin — 'n' jes' see what I've got on! (Holds 
out hands and looks at herself.) I'm ruined ef Mrs. Boggs ketches 
me out o' my room in this rig. I've got ter git back. (Shakes 
door.) It's no use. (Clasps hands and makes emphatic gesture.) I 
must hev help. I'll hev ter call Mr. Brown in No. 32 'n' see 'f he 
can't onlock that dratted door. (Goes to No. 32 and starts to knock, 
then pauses abruptly.) Oh, I jes' can't — not in this rig. (Looks at 
herself.) I've got ter dew suthin' but I b'lieve I ruther face Mr. 
Eastman than Mr. Brown, lookin' like this — 'n' I know his key'U 
fit. (Goes to No. 31 and raps.) 

Eben (sJwstde). Who's there? 

Martha (aside). I can't tell him; he wouldn't come ter the 
door ef he knew. (To Eben, in a low voice.) It's Mr. Brown. 

Eben (inside). Oh, hello, Brown. What d'ye want? 

Martha. Sh ! Mrs. Boggs'U hear. Come ter the door a minute. 

Eben (inside, grumbling). Oh, darn it! What'n thunder's the 
matter now? I hadn't more'n got inter bed. (Unfastens door.) 

Martha. He's comin'. Oh, I can't face him, after all. (Runs 
L. and hides behind trunks.) 

Eben (in nightshirt and nightcap, looking out in surprise) . Why, 
there hain't nobody here. Where be ye Brown? 

Martha (faintly). Here I be. 

Eben. Oh, so ye be, ain't ye? Where? 

Martha (faintly). Ahind the trunks. 

Eben (surprised). What'n tarnation ye in there for? 

Martha. I want ter borry yer key. I'm locked out. 

Eben (surprised). 'Nother one! Now don't that beat thunder? 
All right; come out'n git it. (Turns to get key.) 

Martha (squealing). Oo-oohl I can't come out. I-I daresn't. 



■'^B 



6 BETSEY'S BOARDERS 

Eben (comes back and looks L. in surprise). Daresn't! Why 
not? 

Martha. Cause I've taken off my — my — you know, 'n' put on 
my — oh, you know. 

Eben. No, blamed if I dew — only ef ye've taken off yer uno 
'n' put it on agin ye must look like the — you know. 

Martha (excitedly). I dew; I dew. For heaven's sake throw out 
yer key'n go back ter bed, so I kin. My — my toes is cold. 

Eben (suspiciously). What's the matter with ye, Brown? Yer 
voice don't sound nat'ral. 

Martha. 'Course it don't; neither'd youm ef some onfeelin' 
man'd kep' ye out in this cold passage for half an hour, with nothin' 
on but a — a — you know. 

Eben, I told ye once I didn't know, but I'm goin' ter find out. 
I don't b'lieve ye're Arthur Brown at all. (Walks L., determinedly.) 

Martha (wildly). Go back! Don't ye come near these 'ere 
trunks. Don't ye know no better'n ter intrude on the privacy of a 
lady? 

Eben (astonished, recoiling). A lady! Who for heaven's sake 
be ye? 

Martha (stammering). M-M-Mias Muggins. 

Eben (dumbfounded). Miss Muggins! Good Lord I What ye 
out o' yer room this time o' night for? — with nothin' on but yer — 
you know. (Wind slams door of No. 31 behind him.) Thundera- 
tionl Devil take the windl I f ergot the winder was up. (Rushes 
back to door.) 

Martha (faintly). I — I'm locked out agin. 

Eben (shaking door savagely) . Cuss the luck 1 So'm I. 

Betsey (outside). What's tibat noise I hear? 

Eben (horrified). Marm Boggs agin!— 'n' me in my nightshirt I 
Where kin I hide? (Looks around hastily. There hain't nowhere 
but ahind them trunks. Runs L.) 

Martha (squealing). Oo-och! (Seizing Eben as he begins to 
crowd in behind trunks.) Keep out o' here, Eben Eastman! Con- 
sider the time o' night. Where's your modesty? 

Eben. I hain't got any on. Lemme in! (Pushes.) 

Martha. Hain't ye ashamed jammin' inter a lady's bower this 
way? 

Eben. Bower be dummedl Ye look a blamed sight more like 
the white keard. (Struggles.) Lemme in! There comes Marm 
Boggs 'n' I jes got ter hide. (They struggle and fall behind trunks 
with a crash.) 

Betsey (outside). Heavens 1 I bet the ruff's blowed in. (Enters 
It.) Is anybody smashed? 

Eben (aside, peeping over trunks). Yes; I be. (Ducks.) 

Betsey (going to No. SI). Mr. Eastman! (Shakes door.) He's 
in here 'cause the door's locked. Mr. Eastman! Gracious! He 
must be sound asleep. 

Eben (peeping, aside). Yeg; I be. (Snores.) 

Martha (aside, to Eben). Here! Wake up! (Struggle behind 
trunks.) 

Betsey. There! I heared suthin' then. Reckon 'twas in No. 
32. (Goes to door.) Mr. Brown! Be you 'wake? (Shakes door.) 

Martha (aside to Eben). Git out o' here, Eben Eastman! Ef 



m 



BETSEY'S BOARDERS 7 

ye don't I — I'll kick ye. There 1 Take thatl {Squabble behind 
trunks.) 

Eben (in smothered voice). Ow ! 

Martha. Sh! Don't ye know nothin'? She'll hear ye. 

Eben (grumbling). Can't help it. Let me alone, then. 

Betsey. There it is agin. (listens.) Must.be in Miss Muggins' 
room. (Goes to No. 33.) Miss Muggins 1 Miss Muggins! (Raps 
on door.) Keep still 'n' go ter sleep. 

Martha (aside). I can't — Eben's havin' a nightmare. 

Eben (aside). 'Tain't a nightmare that's botherin' me, it's a 
nightshirt. 

Betsey (shaking door) . D' ye hear me? She don't answer. She 
must 'a' been sleepin' right out loud. 

Martha (aside). Who wouldn't — under these 'ere sarcumstances I 

Eben (aside, grumbling). 'Tain't no wusa fer you than 'tis fer 
me, is it? 

Betsey. Ev'rything seems quiet agin now; I might as well go 
down staira 'n' go ter bed myself. 

Eben (peeping). That's so — 'n' a dum sight better! (Ducks.) 

Betsey (going L., grumbling). One thing's sartin, though, ef I 
hev ter come up here agin temight on account o' noise, somebody's 
goin' ter git fired. They kin jes' make up their minds ter that. 
(Exit L.) 

Eben (tiptoeing cautiously from behind trunks, looking cau- 
tiously down stairs, L.) . I'm darn glad she's gone ; that was a pooty 
tight squeeze. 

Martha (angrily). Eben Eastman! I didn't no sech thing. 

EBEN,„Oh, keep still! I wa'n't tellin' no tales. I meant 'bout 
us not gittin' ketcht. 

Martha. This is outrageous! Oh, I can't stand it ter be so 
insulted, 'speshily in my — you know. 

Eben. Well, there's jest one way ter hender it — 'n' only one, 
fur's I kin see. 

Martha. What's that? 

Eben. Take the darn thing off. 

Martha. Eben Eastman ! I'm shocked. This is a serious thing. 

Eben. Gosh dum it! don't ye s'pose I know it? — speshily in a 
— you know. What kin we dew 'bout it? 

Martha. You kin unlock my door 'n' / kin go in 'n' go ter bed 
agin. I don't keer what ye dew then. 

Eben (angrily). How'n thunder 'm I goin' ter onlock yer door? 
— ^with my finger? 

Martha. Take yer doorkey, the way ye did afore. 

Eben. D'ye s'pose I take the darn thing ter bed with me or dew 
ye calkilate I've got pants pockets in my — you know? That key's 
in my room now — 'n' I'm locked out same's you are. 

Martha (desperately). Oh! oh! I shall be ketcht locked out, 
(holding out hands and inspecting herself) lookin' like this — 'n' with 
a man (with gesture toward Eben) lookin' like that! 

Eben (angrily) . Ye don't seem ter keer a darn 'bout me. 'Tain't 
no wuss for you ter be locked out with me than 'tis for me ter be 
locked out with you — 'n' I'll be blamed if I look any wu^'n you dew I 

Martha. I've got ter git inter that room somehow afore Mrs. 
Boggs comes saihn' up agin. Now how kin I dew it? 



n 



8 BETSEY'S BOARDERS 

Eben (after thinking). I can't see no way — 'thout ye skin up" 
over the transom. 

Martha (indignantly). Me? With you here? Oh, myl I'm 
shocked. 

Eben. Mebbe ye ruther spend the night ahind them trunks — 
with me here — 'n' then git ketcht in the momin' jest the same. 

Martha (wildly). No! no! Anything but that! (Approaches 
No. 33 and reaches up toward transom.) Oh, I can't! I never kin 
dew it in this world. 

Eben. Wall, ye sartinly can't skin no transoms in the next 
world ef ye happen ter find the door shot. D'ye want me ter boost 
ye? Reckon I kin boost a paound. 

Martha. Oh, Mr. Eastman! Eben! Air you ter be trusted? 

Eben. With oncounted millions — or yer best spare — ^you know. 

Martha (reaching for transom again). It's no use — I can't 
reach it. I reckon ye'U hev ter boost me — but remember I'm a 
modest gal. What shall I dew fust? 

Eben. Step right in my hand. (Holding it out.) 

Martha (drawing back). Oh, I can't. 

Eben. Yis, ye kin. I got a pooty big hand Ef one hain't enuff 
I kin take 'em both. 

Martha (hesitating). Now remember ye're a gentleman — *n' I'm 
a lady. 

Eben, Oh, that's aU right. Put 'er there, Miss Mugginis. (Holds 
out other hand.) 

Martha. Now be keerful. (Taking hold of one hand and step- 
ping in the other, shuddering.) Oh, this is awful for Martha Muggins! 

Eben. 'N' gosh-awful fer Eben Eastman. Scrabble, Miss Mug- 
gins, quick ! ye're heavier'n I thought ye was. 

Martha, (frightened). Oh! oh! ketch me! I'm tumblin'. 
(Flings both arms round his neck.) 

Eben (in strangled voice). Here! hold on! For the Lord's sake. 

Martha. Ain't I holdin' on for the Lord's sake? Ef I didn't 
I'd fall kerslap! 

Eben. I mean leggo! Ye're squashin' my goozle. 

Martha. I can't help it ; it's all new ter me 'cause I'm a modest 
gal. I never hugged a man afore 'n' don't know how very well. 

Eben. Thank heaven for that! Ef ye did know how ye'd break 
my neck. Climb, Miss Muggins, or I shall hev ter drap ye, as sure 
as shewtin'. 

Martha (scrambling). Hang on, Eben, I'm scrabblin'. (Catches 
hold of woodwork over door.) Boost ! boost ! I'm holt o' the wood- 
work. 

Eben (gasping). Hurry! Marthy; I got ter leggo in a secont. 
I'm all in. 

Martha (desperately). I hain't but I'm most in. 'Nother 
secont's enough. (Scrambles and then falls to £oor.) Oh! oh! 

(Noise off L.) 

Eben. Hark! (Listens.) Git up quick! I hear somebody, 

Martha (scrambling to feet). Comin' agin? Oh, what shall I 
dew! 

Eben. Hide ahind them trunks, consam ye! There hain't noth- 
in' else ye kin dew. (Hurries L. and hides.) 

Martha. I hate tew dref'ly but there don' seem ter be no refuge 



BETSEY'S BOARDERS 9 

but the Grand Trunk Station. (Squeezes in behind trunks after 
Ebbn.) 

(Enter Arthur and Mary Brown, L., on tiptoe.) 

Arthur. Courage, Mary, the worst is over. Here's my room, 
No. 32. It is a poor home to which I am bringing my runaway 
bride, but it is the best I could do. If I could only have known that 
your stepfather was going to turn you out of doors and that I should 
marry you this evening I could have made different arrangements. 

Eben (aside). So could I. 

Mary. It is all right, Arthur. I am indeed fortunate to have 
any refuge at all — to say nothing of a dear, noble husband like 
Arthur Brown. I only hope that giving me shelter will not cause 
you any trouble with your landlady. 

Arthur. Don't worry over that. It will be only a day or two 
before I can find a better place for you. Mrs. Boggs certainly would 
turn us out on the street upon the instant if she once discovered 
you, even in the night, as it is an ironclad rule with her to have no 
married people as boarders. In the meantime I shall have to keep 
you close in hiding in order to avoid complications. 

Mary. Hurry and unlock the door, then, before the ogress sees 
us. It would be awful to get turned out of doora on our wedding 
night. 

Arthur (searching pockets). In just a minute, Mary. I can't 
seem to find my key. 

Mary (alarmed) . You haven't lost it have you, Arthur? 

Arthur. Of course not; I've simply overlooked the thing. I'll 
find it in a minute. (Goes through pockets again.) 

Mary (clasping hands anxiously). Oh, I hope so! 

Arthur (stopping suddenly with a low whistle). Whew! 

Mary. What's the matter? 

Arthur. I know where that key is. 

Mary. Where? 

Arthur. In my other pocket. I was so excited over our sudden 
marriage that I never thought to change it when I changed my suit. 

Mary (in alarm). It's not locked in your room? 

Arthur. It surely is. 

Mary. A^nd we're locked out! 

Arthur. I'm sorry to say we are 

Martha (peeping, aside). So're we. 

Mary (despairingly). Oh, what shall we do? 

Eben (aside, peeping). Jest what I'd like ter know. 

Arthur. We can't spend the night in the streets and not a soul 
in town will take us in. The landlady will certainly drive us out if 
she finds us and she goes prowHng around at all hours. 

Martha (aside) . That's so — 'n' 'bout ev'ry hour. 

Mary. Oh, Arthur! And you are put to all this trouble just 
because of poor little me! 

Arthur. By no means. I might have perpetrated the same 
foolishness any way, and Mrs. Boggs would fire me just the same if 
she found me locked out alone. 

Mary. It's a sorry home-coming on our wedding night, isn't it 
dear? (Snuggles up to his side.) 

Arthur (putting arm around her). It certainly is a wjrape. 

Eben (aside, peeping). That's so — a devil of a scrape. 



10 BETSEY'S BOARDERS 

Arthur. Well, there's one thing we can do— and only one. 

Martha (aside, peeping). Good! Ef it works for you I'll dew 
it. 

Eben (aside, peeping). Yes; we'll all dew it. (Both listen with 
hands to ears.) 

M/\RY. What is it we can do? 

Arthur. Hide somewhere for the rest of the night and trust to 
luck in the morning. 

Eben (aside, disgusted) . Oh, shucks! We're trying that our- 
selves. 

Mary. But where can we hide? 

Arthur. There isn't much place, that's a fact, but there isn't 
likely to be any search made. The only chance I can think of is be- 
hind that pile of trunks. 

Martha. Oh heavens! (Drops out of sight.) 

Eben (aside). The devil! This 'ere's mighty small sleepin' 
quarters for two, not ter mention four. We'll be thicker'n nine rata 
in a stockin'. 

Arthur. I hate to suggest such a plan but I can not think of 
any other. 

Mary. Never mind, Arthur; I would willingly endure more than 
that for your sake. Say no more. Come, let us hide. ( They go L.) 

Martha (to Eben). We're lost. We'll be diskivered. 

Eben. That won't be hard work; we're not kivered very much, 

Arthur (stopping and kissing Mary). You angel! What would 
I not endure for your sake! (Kisses her again.) 

Eben (aside). Mebbe you kin endure it but I'll be dummed ef 
/ kin. Spendin' the night in a baggage pile with an old maid is bad 
'nuff, but when ye throw in a married shemale 'n' her husband it gits 
my goat. 

Martha (aside to Eben). What kin ye dew 'bout it? 

Eben (to Martha). We'll skear 'em. When they git close tew 
us Stan' up, stick yer fists out at 'em 'n' say "Boo!" 

Arthur (as they near trunks) . You won't be afraid in there 
among the trunks, v/ill you, Mary? 

Mary. Nothing in the world could ever make me afraid as long 
as I am with you, Arthur. (Eben and Martha suddenly rise up and 
extend hands toward them.) 

^Z..] Boo; 

Mary (screaming). Oo-oo-ooh! Ghosts! Run! Arthur, run! 
(Darts R. in terror, Arthur at her heels. Eben and Martha drop 
behind trunks again.) 

Arthur. Stop! Mary: don't be frightened. There aren't any 
such things as ghosts. 

^BEN (aside). Yis, there air, tew. We're 'um. 

Mary (Hinging herself into Arthur's arms). Then what were 
those two awful v/hite things that rose up there and threatened us? 
See! They are gone now. What could they have been but ghosts? 

Arthur. I don't know, dear, but I am sure there must have 
been some very human agency responsible for their appearance. 
Hark! What was that? (They listen.) 

Mary (alarmed, clutching his arm). Oh, Arthur! Somebody ia 
up in the house besides us. I hear them creeping up the stairs. 



BETSEY'S BOARDERS 11 

Arthur. It must be Mrs. Boggs. She undoubtedly heard you 
scream and is coming up to investigate. Heaven help us if she finds 
us ! We must hide, ghosts or no ghosts. 

Mary {terrified). Oh, I can't! Those awful white things may 
still be in behind those terrible trunks, lying for us. 

Eben (aside, peeping). Course they air — 'n' ef Marm Boggs reely 
ketches us we'll hev ter dew some tall lyin' for her. 

Mary. Nobody knows what they will do to us if we beard them 
in their lair again. 

Arthur. There's no other place to hide — (struck ivith an idea) 
yes there is, too. I forgot the little closet under the attic stairs. 
(Hastily opens door.) 

Eben (aside) . So'd I, by thunder ! 

Arthur. Quick! Mary; she's halfway up the stairs. 

Mary (terrified). Oh, Arthur! I'm afraid. There might be 
ghosts in there, too. 

Arthur (hurriedly). Of course there aren't! If there are I'll 
strangle them. In with you ! (Hastily pushes her into closet, follows 
her and shuts door behind him.) 

(Enter Betsey L. cautiously, dressed in nightcap and nightgown, 
candle in one hand and an old revolver in the other.) 

Betsey. There's sut'nly suthin' or somebody up here ternight, or 
else this third floor's ha'nted. 

Martha (aside). It sure is — 'n' you're dewin' it. 

Betsey (peering about). There hain't nobody in sight — but there 
wa'n't t'other times. Ef there's anything here besides ghosts I'll find 
'em this trip 'n' blow a hole through 'em that'll take their breath 
away. 

Martha (terrified, aside). Massy sakes! It would be a shockin' 
thing ter have holes blowed in my — you know. Git behind another 
trunk, Eben. (Commotion behind trunks.) 

Eben (in smothered voice). Ow! There goes another eye! 
(Banging behind trunk-pile.) 

Betsey. There! there is suthin' here. I beared it agin. It's in 
behind them trunks. (Resolutely, aiming revolver.) What's in be- 
hind there? 

Martha (in faint voice). Boo! 

Betsey (surprised). Lordy! Who're you? 

Martha (in faint voice, frightened). Please, Marm, we're ghosts. 

Betsey. Ghosts! I never see one o' them critters yit. Come 
out 'n' le's hav a look at ye. 

Martha. I daresn't; I-I'm 'shamed. 

Betsey (astonished). 'Shamed! What'n tunket has a ghost got 
ter be 'shamed on? 

M.\btha (faintly). Wha— what I got on — I mean what I ain't 
got on. 

Betsey. What is it ye got on? 

Martha. N-nothin' but my — my — you know. 

Betsey. No, I'll be snummed ef I know but I'm goin' ter find 
out. I want ter see what a ghost looks like with nothin' on but a 
uno. Come out here quicker'n scat 'n' lightnin' ; ef ye don't I'll make 
a ghost o' ye if ye hain't one now^ — purvided this 'ere gunlock holds 
on. 



12 BETSEY'S BOARDERS 

Eben (alarmed, scrambling around behind trunks). Here! don't 
shewt. I hain't in here now; I've gone. 

Betsey (dumbfounded). Gone! Where? 

Eben. A-a-a — under the attic stairs, 

Betsey. Under the attic stairs! (Turns and looks R.) 

Mary (squealing vdth alarm). Whee-ee-ee! A mouse! (Uproar 
under stairs.) 

Betsey. Great Lord 'n' leetle fishes! What does that mean? 
(Goes R.) I better find out. (Pounding on closet door with revol- 
ver.) What's goin' on? 

Arthur. Mee-yow ! 

Betsey (jum'ping) . Gracious! (Opens closet door and sticks 
head in.) Who's in here? 

Mary (faintly) . It's the cat. 

Betsey (amazed). Massy sakes! Scat! 

Arthur (squalling). Mee-YOW! Spt! 

Betsey (recoiling in alarm.). Good Lord! The critter's runnin' 
mad. I better shev/t it. (Holds revolver inside door and blazes 
away.) 

Mary. Help ! 

Arthur. Murder ! 

Martha. Fire ! 

Eben. Thieves! 

(Arthur rushes out of closet on his hands and knees with Mary 
after him. He bumps into Betsey nearly knocking her over.) 

Betsey (rushing from stage screaming). Lordy sakeal 'Tain't 
a cat — it's a tiger! Help! help! 

(Martha and Eben upon hearing the racket stand to view in 
their night clothes showing weirdly in the dim light.) 

Mary. Oh mercy! See, Arthur, there are those dreadful ghoatts 
again! Let's run! 

Arthur. Great Jupiter! There is somthing wrong. 

Mary, Come quick! We'll get the police. 

(Both run off stage. As they do so a trunk falls.) 

Eben. Oh, Gosh-a-Mighty ! There goes my toe smashed to 
smithereens. (Hops around on one foot holding the other.) 

Martha. Oh Mr. Eastman! I'm gettin' scared. There's sperrits 
here — I know it — an' — an' the police'll be here soon too an' — 

Eben. That's so. We've got to get out of this purty dumed 
lively. Come on. (Both start to go.) 

Martha (stopping suddenly). Oh, but how can we — dressed like 
this. 

Eben. Undressed, you mean. Here, put this around ye an' come 
along. (Hands shawl which she wraps about waist like a skirt.) 

Martha. What about you? 

Eben. Here's a bed quilt. I can use this. (Wraps it about him- 
self.) Now let's hurry up 'fore the police get here 'n' nab us. 

Martha. Oh dear ! What a fix we're in ! But we've got to do it. 
We can hide in the coal bin. 

Eben (pointing to floor). Look out, Mi^ Muggins! A mouse 
just ran across the room. 

Martha. A mouse? Oh dear! That's the worst yet. (They run 
offstage.) Murder! Fire! Help! 0-o-oh! 
Quick Cubtain 




THE BUGBEE ENTERTAINMENTS 

ARE FAVORITES EVERYWHERE 



Billy's Aunt Jane. Comedy in 3 acts by Willis N. Bugbee. 
For school or community. Good darkey character. 8m., 7f. 
Time, li/^ to 2 hours. 35 cents. 

Happyvllle School Picnic. A one-act play for intermediate 
and ungraded schools. One of our best. 7 boys, 9 girls. 
Time, 40 minutes or longer. 25 cents. 

Hiram and the Peddlers. A farce in 1 act. The climax 
is a great surprise. 5m., 2f. Time, 30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Graduation at Gay vi lie. A play for grammar grades. 6m., 
6f. Includes a mock commencement, class poem, etc. Time, 
30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Coonvllle 'Ristocrat Club. A darkey play for church or 
school or any occasion. Clean and wholesome. 6m., 6f. Time, 
1 hour. 85 cents. 

Darktown Social Betterment S'ciety. A good wholesome 
darkey play. Very funny. For 9 male characters. Time, 30 
minutes. 25 cents. 

Uncle Eben's S'prise Party. Here is another splendid 
negro play. It certainly is a surprise party. 6m., 6f. Time, 
30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Uncle Si and the Sunbeam Club. A delightful play for 
grammer grades. Opportunity for specialties. 7m., 7f. Time, 
40 minutes to 1 hour. 30 cents. 

Closing Day at Beanville School. The most popular play 
for intermediate grades we have ever offered. 7m., 7f. (more 
or less). Time, 30 minutes or more. 25 cents. 

Midgets' Grand Parade. A delightful pageant for little 
tots. Very easy to produce. Time, 30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Funny Little Food Folks. A novelty entertainment for 
children. This is something different. Time, 30 min. 25 cents. 

Following the Stars and Stripes. A splendid new patriotic 
pageant. This should be on every program. For any number 
of children. Time, 15 to 45 minutes. 25 cents. 

Pretty Pageants for Young Folks. These pageants are not 
only pretty but right up to the minute. Very easy and pleas- 
ing. Good for any time. 35 cents. 

tCommencement Helps and Hints. For Eighth Grade 
People. Contains salutatories, valedictories, histories, class 
will, prophecies, banquet, class drill, play, yells, mottoes, 
colors, novel sports, songs, stunts, etc. A valuable book. 
35 cents. 

Commencement Treasury. Brimful of helpful material for 
the high school graduate. Salutatories, valedictories, pro- 
phecies, etc., etc. 50 cents. 



THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO., SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



THE BUGBEE ENTE 

ARE FAVORITES E^ 




The Bughee Song Novelties 

Sparkin' Peggy Jane. A novelty acting duet for young 
man and womaji. Back country types. Very funny. 35 cents. 

We'se Mammy's Little Honeys. A pickaninny action song, 
with minstrel effect if desired. Very cute. 35 cents. 

Here's a Song to You, OJd School. A splendid new school 
song. 35 cents. Six copies, $1.75. 

Sally and Si at the Circus. A duet for two country lovers 
who gp to the circus and have a gay old time. 35 cents. 

Sewing Ladies Meet, The. The ladies meet to sew but 
you know how it is — they do more gossiping than sewing. 
Very cute. 35 cents. 

Little Washerwomen, The. An action song for little ladies 
at their tubs. A most delightful number. 35 cents. 

Won't You Come and Play With Me? A duet for boy and 
girli or for two boys and two girls. To b© sung with actions. 
35 cents. 

Dearest School of All, The. A pleasing song for a whole 
school or class. Can be used any time, or as farewell song. 
35 cents. 

We're Mighty Glad to See You. Another welcome song 
that will make the audience feel right at home. To be sung 
with action. 35 cents. 

When Santa Had the Rheumatiz. How dreadful it would 
have been if he hadn't got cured in time to make his rounds. 
35 cents. 

There's a Welcome Here for You. A song that offers a 
genuine welcome to the audience. 35 cents. 

Don't Forget to Come Again. Another delightful good-bye 
song. 35 cents. 

We've Got the Mumps. A novelty costume song for chil- 
dren supposed to be afflicted with the mumps. 35 cents. 

The Old Home Folks. A song for adults, or older boys 
and girls, to be used on any program. 35 cents. 

Our Latch String Hangs Outside. A dandy new welcome 
song that will start your entertainment right. Sheet music. 
35 cents. 

Just Smile and Say Good-By«. A capital song to send your 
audience home feeling good natured. Bright and catchy. 35 
cents. 

De Coonville Jubdiee. The 'Ristocrats of Coonville hold a 
jubilee and "Dey don't get home till the break ob day." Sheet 
music. 35 cents. 



THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO., SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



